?

Log in

[Past 1] | [New 1]

4.21.08

]+[Chelsea]+[ Darkness: -Hugs.-
[Sora]: -Murr- 'm fine...
]+[Chelsea]+[ Darkness: You sure. . . ? -Cuddles with.-
[Sora]: Mmhmm. You're te depressed one
]+[Chelsea]+[ Darkness: Mmm . . . I'm sorry though. . .
]+[Chelsea]+[ Darkness: for this I'll get over it soon.
[Sora]: It's fine
]+[Chelsea]+[ Darkness: no it's not. orz. knowing how it's affecting you. . .
[Sora]: -shakes head- M'okay. I can only feel it sometimes...s'why I havn't really been bothering you
]+[Chelsea]+[ Darkness: . . . Feel it. . . ?
[Sora]: Mmhmm. Like you sometimes know when I'm upset.
]+[Chelsea]+[ Darkness: Ah. . . what do you feel, precisely though. .
[Sora]: Smalls bursts of...well, longing I felt once. That one was odd for me to experiance. I don't know really. One hurt a lot though, like, it hurt bad enough that I was crying
]+[Chelsea]+[ Darkness: Aww. -Hugs.- . . .Ah. . . that might be different, when I'm depressed I don't necessarily long for things. . .
[Sora]: Ah...then...what do you feel?
]+[Chelsea]+[ Darkness: Nothing. Absolutely nothing, no motive, no drive, no nothing. Or, in small instances, I do feel extremely frustrated or angry with everything.
]+[Chelsea]+[ Darkness: *no anything
[Sora]: Ah...
]+[Chelsea]+[ Darkness: It's weird and uncomfortable. . .
[Sora]: I can't imagine...
]+[Chelsea]+[ Darkness: Mm. . . I don't know if it's worse than longing but having to fake everything and force myself to get up and do anything sucks.
]+[Chelsea]+[ Darkness: But eh. -Hugs.- I really don't want you to feel lonely and stuff though. .. I'm sorry. . .
[Sora]: -Shakes head- m'fine.
]+[Chelsea]+[ Darkness: >:
[Sora]: -Blink-
]+[Chelsea]+[ Darkness: Y' sure?
[Sora]: ..-hesitant look. Trying the "Don't lie to Chelsea even if it's for her sake" thing-
]+[Chelsea]+[ Darkness: . . . Orz, tell me what's wrong. .
[Sora]: x.x I've missed you... You don't sleep so you're never on during the day cause you ARE asleep, so I just...get really lonely... I don't mean too.. And then random bursts of, well, I don't know what if it's not you... I'm just suddenly so edgy, and fearful... I gues scared is a good word too...
]+[Chelsea]+[ Darkness: Yeah. . . I'm going to change my schedule here soon, it's just the lack of motive to do anything right now kinda. .. makes me just want to sleep forever or stay up and not do anything orz. . . I'm sorry, so sorry , I'll change that really but orz. . . . . . That part is kind of me, yes. . . .
[Sora]: -Shakes head- It's not your fault...I understand. -Shifts- S'why I don't bother you, or say anything..
]+[Chelsea]+[ Darkness: It's alright. . .even when I'm down I want to hear what's on your mind and all. It's not a bother at all.
[Sora]: That's the one time I probably won't ever complain.
]+[Chelsea]+[ Darkness: . . . orz. . .
[Sora]: -Shakes head- M'fine~ Really.
]+[Chelsea]+[ Darkness: -Pokes.- Right~.
[Sora]: -Quickly loses balance and topples over. Wince- Ow.
]+[Chelsea]+[ Darkness: . . . . !!! - >: Holds.- . .. orz, I'm s-sorry.
[Sora]: N--no. It's fine...I'm okay.
]+[Chelsea]+[ Darkness: -Hugs tightly.-
[Sora]: -Blinks-
]+[Chelsea]+[ Darkness: -Continues to hold and buries her head in the other's shoulder.-
[Sora]: -Wraps her arms around the other- I'm okay...really...just, kinda weak...
]+[Chelsea]+[ Darkness: W-why? -Frowns.-
[Sora]: -Blinks a bit, then shifts- No appetite
]+[Chelsea]+[ Darkness: A-ah . .. m'sorry. T-try and eat as normally as you can though, okay?
[Sora]: -Flintches- Of course.
]+[Chelsea]+[ Darkness: . . .-Frowns.- . . .?
[Sora]: -Averts eyes-
]+[Chelsea]+[ Darkness: . . . Tell me. . .
[Sora]: ...you'll get upset.
]+[Chelsea]+[ Darkness: Just tell me. . .
]+[Chelsea]+[ Darkness: I won't get upset.
[Sora]: ...I havn't..I havn't eaten since before i came to Tarls house on monday
]+[Chelsea]+[ Darkness: O-orz. .. . You really need to try and eat, please. .
]+[Chelsea]+[ Darkness: Even if you don't feel like it.
[Sora]: I can't...If I put anything in my stomach I immediately puke.
]+[Chelsea]+[ Darkness: Is there anything you can drink that's caloric and that'll serve as a nutritional thing in the meantime then?
[Sora]: I've been drinkin' water
]+[Chelsea]+[ Darkness: Since liquids would be easier to stomach. . .
]+[Chelsea]+[ Darkness: Something other than water.
]+[Chelsea]+[ Darkness: Water just isn't going to cut it.
]+[Chelsea]+[ Darkness: I mean like smoothies/ensure-like drinks/etc, etc.
]+[Chelsea]+[ Darkness: Milk even.
]+[Chelsea]+[ Darkness: There's got to be something that your stomach can take. . .. although I must ask, have you been taking your pills?
[Sora]: I ate a single chip and puked for 5 minutes.
]+[Chelsea]+[ Darkness: ick.
[Sora]: ..No...I havn't been takin' the stupid pills.
]+[Chelsea]+[ Darkness: You have to.
]+[Chelsea]+[ Darkness: Okay.
]+[Chelsea]+[ Darkness: Or you're going to goddamn be in a lot more trouble.
]+[Chelsea]+[ Darkness: And now this is where I'm going to get slightly angry at you. This is your life you're risking. And if you haven't eaten in an entire week, it's very serious. ..
]+[Chelsea]+[ Darkness: You either take those pills and find something you can stomach or go into the doctors again.
]+[Chelsea]+[ Darkness: For something you can take. . .
]+[Chelsea]+[ Darkness: I really don't want to lose you to a stupid stomach virus or whatever. . .
[Sora]: The pills aren't to make me feel better.
]+[Chelsea]+[ Darkness: It'll get rid of the stomach issues.
]+[Chelsea]+[ Darkness: Eventually.
[Sora]: Well. They are but...not that.. way
]+[Chelsea]+[ Darkness: . ..Oh?
]+[Chelsea]+[ Darkness: Weren't they antibiotics or something. . . ?
[Sora]: When I went to the doctors, they sent me to the mental part of the hospital. I..the adhd/tourettes thing...It's gettin' worse, but on top of it. I'm officially, clinically depressed. The pills are fuckin' happy pills.
]+[Chelsea]+[ Darkness: Ah. . .Well, the truth is you shouldn't be going against it. . .
]+[Chelsea]+[ Darkness: I mean, not all doctors are good and sure, happy pills kind of suck, I've been on them a long time but you have to at least attempt it.
[Sora]: They're disgusting and I choke when I take them 'cause they get stuck in my throat no matter how much water I drink with them
]+[Chelsea]+[ Darkness: I know they are but in the long run they'll help. . . You're just giving yourself excuses not to take them.
]+[Chelsea]+[ Darkness: I used to do that a lot.
[Sora]: I don't want fuckin' happy pills.
[Sora]: I don't like that I'm depressed.
]+[Chelsea]+[ Darkness: Well, it isn't going to change if you don't do some goddamn thing about it.
]+[Chelsea]+[ Darkness: Simple as that.
]+[Chelsea]+[ Darkness: Not taking the pills, not eating, that's all not helping.
]+[Chelsea]+[ Darkness: That's just making you more depressed.
]+[Chelsea]+[ Darkness: You're giving yourself excuses.
]+[Chelsea]+[ Darkness: Not to do anything.
]+[Chelsea]+[ Darkness: You're just like me right now and that's not good.
]+[Chelsea]+[ Darkness: at all.
[Sora]: -Blink-
]+[Chelsea]+[ Darkness: Simple as that. . .
[Sora]: I don't want to have to take pills just to be fucking happy.
]+[Chelsea]+[ Darkness: Well you aren't doing anything to make it better, are you?
[Sora]: The first time I took the damn thing I stabbed myself in the foot!
[Sora]: With a PENCIL.
]+[Chelsea]+[ Darkness: It's annoying as hell to be slightly dependant on them for a while but they're not meant for full dependence. it's just to damn help yourself.
]+[Chelsea]+[ Darkness: Well then, chose a different one.
]+[Chelsea]+[ Darkness: Either that or you're just making excuses again.
]+[Chelsea]+[ Darkness: You either go into the doctor's and say that pill doesn't work.
]+[Chelsea]+[ Darkness: Or find another way to make yourself happy. Doing nothing about it and making up excuses isn't productive.
]+[Chelsea]+[ Darkness: You won't be happy just because of that.
]+[Chelsea]+[ Darkness: You have to admit you're depressed and change something.
[Sora]: I can't make myself happy if I don't know why I'm sad.
]+[Chelsea]+[ Darkness: Well then, reach out for help on the matter.
]+[Chelsea]+[ Darkness: Talk to people and see what they suggest (as long as it's not self harm/etc)
[Sora]: Yeah, I have. And you know what every responce has been?
]+[Chelsea]+[ Darkness: or go to the doctors and see if they suggest something else.
]+[Chelsea]+[ Darkness: What?
[Sora]: "Stop dating Chelsea and get a real life."
]+[Chelsea]+[ Darkness: orz. I don't know about not dating me. . . It does seem to make you depressed though a lot. and that worries me . . I don't know. . .. So I'll refrain from commenting on that half.
]+[Chelsea]+[ Darkness: The real life thing is relevant though.
]+[Chelsea]+[ Darkness: You need to do something. Whether it's just taking up an activity or what not.
]+[Chelsea]+[ Darkness: Something that'll make you happy or just distract yourself from being depressed enough to regain yourself.
]+[Chelsea]+[ Darkness: And regain footing.
]+[Chelsea]+[ Darkness: It doesn't have to be a big thing, it can be a small thing.
]+[Chelsea]+[ Darkness: It doesn't have to be I.E. a job or anything but like, just a hobby or something.
[Sora]: I -do- get depressed by you alot, but, thing is, I was more depressed without you. And I do do things. -___- I go outside and play, but with limited options there isn't much for me to do, and I'm not even speaking to Alyssa right now so that kills about 3/4 of the crap I CAN do.
]+[Chelsea]+[ Darkness: Find something for yourself.
]+[Chelsea]+[ Darkness: You're just making excuses again. Your options are limited but it doesn't mean you can't find something. . .
[Sora]: Well, that's why I've been playing the videogames
]+[Chelsea]+[ Darkness: Oi, something other than that too.
]+[Chelsea]+[ Darkness: Reading/walking/swimming/drawing/etc, etc.
[Sora]: If you say I'm making excuses one more time, I'm going to hit you.
]+[Chelsea]+[ Darkness: You are.
]+[Chelsea]+[ Darkness: I don't care if you hit me for it.
]+[Chelsea]+[ Darkness: I know how this is.
]+[Chelsea]+[ Darkness: I've been shit ass depressed for years.
]+[Chelsea]+[ Darkness: And I make shitty excuses like that too.
[Sora]: It's because you sound like my mom and grandpa and it pisses me off
]+[Chelsea]+[ Darkness: I know I might but I don't know how to say it any other way.
]+[Chelsea]+[ Darkness: There has to be something else you can pick up in the meantime that isn't harmful and that'll help.
[Sora]: Truthfully...I've been having creepy nightmares about you.
[Sora]: I don't have much. Mom has no car, grandpa never brings me ANYWHERE, and I live in the middle of nowhere. I go for walks, but even that's boring
]+[Chelsea]+[ Darkness: you have pens and paper, you probably have books too or you can download them or something, etc, etc.
]+[Chelsea]+[ Darkness: And you could maybe walk to somewhere.
]+[Chelsea]+[ Darkness: Instead of just aimlessly. there's gotta be things around.
[Sora]: The only places around are a package store and a bar. Which, with me being 21, that's BAD.
]+[Chelsea]+[ Darkness: No libraries/pools/etc, etc?
[Sora]: Not in walking distance. I live on the outskirts of town. The library and crap is all right in the center
]+[Chelsea]+[ Darkness: Ah, damn. .. is thre any way to get transport any other way? Even then though, drawing/reading/writing/etc still stands.
[Sora]: I do read, and draw, and write. I get bored of it all really fast. Like I said, videogames is about it. I get a new game every few days and I'm good.
]+[Chelsea]+[ Darkness: Ah. . .. alright. . .orz.
[Sora]: I had a dream the other night. 'cause I dream about you alot anyway, but more recently it's been rather...violent.. We had our own little house and stuff, and you had a really good job and I was a housewife like I wanna be. you came home from work one day, and you were just...so angry, and I hadn't finished dinner (and I know you'd never actually do this), so you spazzed and started beating me with the spatula. I was crying, and screaming at you to stop, but you wouldn't. And then you had me naked and the rolling pin was inside me, and I was bleeding...but you still kept hitting me...eventually you got bored and walked away, leaving the house...and it was all black and white suddenly, years having passed since you beat me...and you never came back..and I just...stayed where I was...
]+[Chelsea]+[ Darkness: Orz. . . I would never do that. . . .
]+[Chelsea]+[ Darkness: Just to tell you the truth.
]+[Chelsea]+[ Darkness: I'd physically die or have a heart attack before I did that.
[Sora]: I know..You'll probably never even hit me, but x.x my mind sucks
]+[Chelsea]+[ Darkness: Mmm. -Hugs.- Tell your mind to GTFO for a while.
[Sora]: I don't know why it's like this allova sudden.
]+[Chelsea]+[ Darkness: Maybe because you're depressed?
]+[Chelsea]+[ Darkness: And scared a bit?
]+[Chelsea]+[ Darkness: Not to mention I'm a bit depressed.
]+[Chelsea]+[ Darkness: So it kinda feeds off eachother.
[Sora]: Scared a bit is an understatement. I'm terrified.
]+[Chelsea]+[ Darkness: Ah. . .terrified of. . . ?
[Sora]: ...I'm almost 21, Chels...i live with my old grandpa, and a mom who can't even get a job. My girlfriend is only just turning 18, and before i even get the CHANCE to be with her, she's going to college. In just that I'm scared ALOT.
]+[Chelsea]+[ Darkness: . . .Ah. . -Hugs.- You have the right to be. . . but don't let it rule over your life, seriously. . .
]+[Chelsea]+[ Darkness: I'll find a way to be with you. Somehow.
[Sora]: What if grandpa dies and I have nowhere to go? Or if you go away to college and meet some...awesome guy/girl that sweeps you off your feet and can actually hold you, and kiss you, and say "I love you" to you...? What if -you- die...?
[Sora]: All of this crap keeps coming at me...like a fucking...huge shot of maturity was just given to me...Or maybe a huge shot of paranoia... And I'm scared. I'm really, truly scared...
]+[Chelsea]+[ Darkness: . . . Ah. . . Both, probably. -Hugs.- . . . I think it might be time to do something about it. . . And I doubt that person will come around, hun. You're the only one, I promise. .. And I won't die. (Reassurance is in the tests. Doctors said I was completely fine in my last lab other than a borderline urine track infection but I have those a lot for somer eason. . .)
]+[Chelsea]+[ Darkness: *some reason
[Sora]: I can't get a job so that I can move out, and there really isn't anywhere for me to go.
]+[Chelsea]+[ Darkness: . . . Can't is a strong word. You can find a way to get a job, somehow. I don't know if right now you can but in the future.
[Sora]: I've been trying for years.
]+[Chelsea]+[ Darkness: In the meantime though your first priority is cheering yourself up.
]+[Chelsea]+[ Darkness: Well then, try and try again. It's a hard road but it doesn't mean you should give up.
[Sora]: Mm...
]+[Chelsea]+[ Darkness: -Hugs.-
]+[Chelsea]+[ Darkness: But first priority = gettign you to be able to eat and be happy.
[Sora]: -Slumps against-
]+[Chelsea]+[ Darkness: -Holds tightly and supports.-
]+[Chelsea]+[ Darkness: It'll be alright, somehow. .. .
[Sora]: Mmhmm...
]+[Chelsea]+[ Darkness: -Pets.-
[Sora]: -Murrs faintly-
]+[Chelsea]+[ Darkness: -Kisses the other's forehead a few times.- . . . orz, but do please try and eat or something. . . I don't know what but try to get something like soup down. . .
[Sora]: Mmm...I'll try..

Profile

destinywithyou
Destiny.Brought.Me.To.You

Latest Month

April 2008
S M T W T F S
  12345
6789101112
13141516171819
20212223242526
27282930   
Powered by LiveJournal.com
Designed by chasethestars